5 Reasons To Skip The King's Christmas Day Speech
As if you needed any!
12/5/20251 min read
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's older brother will pre-record a speech for Christmas Day.
Here are 5 reasons to skip it:
It’s Ritual, Not Revelation
The speech rarely surprises: safe platitudes, careful phrasing, and nothing that could possibly disrupt anyone’s pudding digestion. You already know the message before it starts.
Neutrality Has a Sound—and It’s Beige
An address stripped of controversy also tends to be stripped of urgency. When nothing meaningful can be said, very little actually is.
National Unity by Script
The speech gestures toward togetherness without engaging with the realities that divide people, offering symbolic comfort rather than substantive reflection.
Tradition as Auto-Play
Many people watch because they always have, not because they want to. At that point, it’s less a speech than a reflex.
There Are Better Uses of Quiet Time
Reading, walking, talking, or even doing nothing can feel more genuinely restorative than listening to a carefully managed monologue designed to offend no one and move nothing.
What can republic supporters do instead?
1. Host Your Own “Unauthorised Christmas Address”
Five minutes, a bad accent, a cup of tea, and a frank admission that you weren’t elected either—but at least you’re honest about it.
2. Watch Literally Any Talking Animal Instead
From Wallace and Gromit to nature documentaries, at least the animals didn’t inherit their authority.
3. Deliver a Speech to Your Living Room Plant
Channel gravitas. Offer vague hope. Mention “challenging times.” The mini cactus will listen with the same level of consent.
4. Stage a One-Minute Silence for Unelected Power
Reflect on how long something can survive purely on tradition, then break the silence with dessert.
….. Or, you could switch to Channel 4 and watch their alternative Christmas message. Your choice!