Reframing the monarchy

We’ve got a country where the people pick their leaders. Everyone gets a vote. If your leader’s doing a terrible job, you can kick them out. Simple. Efficient

And then someone comes along and says:

"I’ve got a better idea."

Let’s hand the top ceremonial role to one family. Forever. Not for achievements, not for leadership — just for being born in the right building.

And while we’re at it, let’s make the national anthem… not about the people, not the land, not freedom — but a personal good-luck wish for one man. We’ll stand in silence, hand on heart, singing to a God most of us don’t believe in to protect an unelected billionaire we didn’t choose. That’s not a national anthem — that’s the set-up to a joke. Honestly, if we’re going to sing a fantasy, let’s at least make it about affordable housing.

Now, here’s where it gets really good: instead of paying for one head of state — like the President of Ireland, one salary, one security team — let’s pay for the whole family. Parents, kids, siblings, cousins… sometimes the dog. Houses, travel, wardrobes, staff, and a personal security detail that could take over a small country.

And they’re not all working. Some of them just wave. We’re literally paying the richest family in the country millions to wave at people. That’s like giving Elon Musk a taxpayer-funded salary to stand on his balcony and nod approvingly at traffic.

Oh, and when they inherit all those castles, paintings, and crown jewels? No inheritance tax. None. You inherit a modest home — you chip in. They inherit Buckingham Palace — “Nah, you’re fine.” It’s like cancelling your own mortgage so you can help pay Jeff Bezos’s rent.

And the cost? Forget one paycheck and a bodyguard — this is a royal reality show we all fund, except we don’t get to vote anyone off the island.

So yeah… if monarchy was invented today, it wouldn’t get through the first committee meeting. Too expensive, too exclusive, too absurd.